How Clearly Do I See Things?
A few weeks ago, I woke up with a jerking alertness and daggers to my heart. I had been dreaming of following my kids up a winding staircase, arms full of grocery bags. The staircase was thin and metal and seemed to become narrower and narrower where we stepped. It was in the sky and I started to feel anxiety and unsettled about this staircase. Missia turned back to me and quietly with fear in her voice said, "Mom, I don't think I can make it." I realized that this was probably not a good idea and decided to take my kids back down. I looked back down to see how to accomplish this and realized that we were too high in the air and panicked trying to devise a plan. At that moment Missia slipped into the blank sky falling and screaming. This jerked me awake and alert.
I had too much adrenaline from this dream to go back to sleep immediately and so I lay awake. And pondered. Not intentionally about anything but my mind definitely took a direction and pursued the following mental path.
I took 4 years of Seminary in High School. A religious class where we studied scriptures, the Holy Bible-Old and New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctorine and Covenants. These Seminary classes are a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of which I am a member. This night my mind went back to Seminary and reflected on the moment a teacher told us how Satan's efforts and temptations are in correlation with the strength of testimony and light we have. To explain simply, if you do not believe in God and do not follow Him and keep His commandments Satan doesn't spend much time on you. He already has won you over. He doesn't need to direct his attention to getting you off course, you are already there. Oppositely he is fighting vigorously and viciously to thwart those who believe in God and want to live a righteous life in His light.
I remember thinking how does Satan do this? For me the big 'sins', (drugs, alcohol, sex, stealing) were no problem. I couldn't imagine how Satan would ever make these appealing to me enough for me to step off the path of following Christ. This night I laid awake I was able to make connections and deepen my understanding of the idea that Satan is very good at what he does. At General Conference, October 2018, President Russell M. Nelson the prophet taught that the Lord has called us to repentance and to use the church by it's right name. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The prophet pointed out that not one of the 'nick' names included the Saviors name. In the scriptures Jesus commanded that the church be called by His name as it is His church. President Nelson explained that Satan is very good at what he does and had successfully removed Christ's name from the names frequently used.
Satan is very good and was able to ever so slightly and subtly removed Christ's name from His own church. I then saw that the big battles with Satan I imagined to be so forthright in my life as I tried to follow Christ and His commandments is not what how I will have to fight him. I saw clearly why I had struggled so much the weeks prior and was at my deepest despair when my husband and I went to visit Elder Funk as part of the National Guard chaplain process. (*story in another post) I was going to meet with a general authority and while I reflected on this, I realized that Satan knew that and the dark place I was in directly correlated with the light I was potentially about to experience.
Satan is subtle and I am having to reflect on my life and look for the slight pulls of evil, which are things that keep me from having my heart and mind fully turned to God. I have since noticed the specific thoughts I have when I need to read scriptures and don't get to it or it's time to pray. It really is the little things that will keep us close with God and His Holy Spirit with us or open the door for Satan to change our hearts ever so slightly which will eventually lead us to be in his power. I have recognized more moments where I can feel the absence of light and the pull, and I pray to God to help me remember and stay strong in my prayers and scripture study. I recognize their value in my life and the protection they provide against Satan. It has been really eye opening to see where I am in my devotion to God and where I need to be. I am grateful for the Atonement and the cheering on and helpful hand my Heavenly Father gives me, because I know I am going to mess up, a lot. But I hope to experience the magnetic force of the scripture study and prayer every day to keep me from letting Satan pry the door open in my life.
I had too much adrenaline from this dream to go back to sleep immediately and so I lay awake. And pondered. Not intentionally about anything but my mind definitely took a direction and pursued the following mental path.
I took 4 years of Seminary in High School. A religious class where we studied scriptures, the Holy Bible-Old and New Testament, the Book of Mormon and the Doctorine and Covenants. These Seminary classes are a part of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints of which I am a member. This night my mind went back to Seminary and reflected on the moment a teacher told us how Satan's efforts and temptations are in correlation with the strength of testimony and light we have. To explain simply, if you do not believe in God and do not follow Him and keep His commandments Satan doesn't spend much time on you. He already has won you over. He doesn't need to direct his attention to getting you off course, you are already there. Oppositely he is fighting vigorously and viciously to thwart those who believe in God and want to live a righteous life in His light.
I remember thinking how does Satan do this? For me the big 'sins', (drugs, alcohol, sex, stealing) were no problem. I couldn't imagine how Satan would ever make these appealing to me enough for me to step off the path of following Christ. This night I laid awake I was able to make connections and deepen my understanding of the idea that Satan is very good at what he does. At General Conference, October 2018, President Russell M. Nelson the prophet taught that the Lord has called us to repentance and to use the church by it's right name. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The prophet pointed out that not one of the 'nick' names included the Saviors name. In the scriptures Jesus commanded that the church be called by His name as it is His church. President Nelson explained that Satan is very good at what he does and had successfully removed Christ's name from the names frequently used.
Satan is very good and was able to ever so slightly and subtly removed Christ's name from His own church. I then saw that the big battles with Satan I imagined to be so forthright in my life as I tried to follow Christ and His commandments is not what how I will have to fight him. I saw clearly why I had struggled so much the weeks prior and was at my deepest despair when my husband and I went to visit Elder Funk as part of the National Guard chaplain process. (*story in another post) I was going to meet with a general authority and while I reflected on this, I realized that Satan knew that and the dark place I was in directly correlated with the light I was potentially about to experience.
Satan is subtle and I am having to reflect on my life and look for the slight pulls of evil, which are things that keep me from having my heart and mind fully turned to God. I have since noticed the specific thoughts I have when I need to read scriptures and don't get to it or it's time to pray. It really is the little things that will keep us close with God and His Holy Spirit with us or open the door for Satan to change our hearts ever so slightly which will eventually lead us to be in his power. I have recognized more moments where I can feel the absence of light and the pull, and I pray to God to help me remember and stay strong in my prayers and scripture study. I recognize their value in my life and the protection they provide against Satan. It has been really eye opening to see where I am in my devotion to God and where I need to be. I am grateful for the Atonement and the cheering on and helpful hand my Heavenly Father gives me, because I know I am going to mess up, a lot. But I hope to experience the magnetic force of the scripture study and prayer every day to keep me from letting Satan pry the door open in my life.
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